For as long as I can remember, my life has been defined, in my mind, by the anvil of weight that I carry physically and mentally. Whether “it” was the reason for not dating as much in college or the reason my husband left our 30 year marriage. Whether “it” was the reason I could not accept or recognize sincere compliments I received or the reason my mom had me eat differently from my thinner siblings.
I remember my mom having me go to Diet Center my Senior year of High School to lose a mere 10 pounds only to gain that and 10 more pounds my Freshman year of college. At the end of my Sophomore year of college, my mom had me get liposuction to help lose weight! Yikes! You know, if I showed you my high school pictures, I looked awesome! I would give anything to be that size now. I thought I was fat… it didn’t help that my sister was hospitalized for anorexia. These years helped form my cycle of emotional and closet eating.
Throughout the years of having 3 children and eating fast food as a surviving working mom, I packed on the pounds. I have been over 200 pounds for most of my adult life. I have stock in Weight Watchers! I would weigh in every Saturday morning for years only to sneak to Del Taco after almost all of my weigh ins. Food was my friend. It was my comfort, and as I know more about toxic eating, my choices of food made me want more.
I have felt broken. I have felt so out of control. I believed I was fatter than all my family because I was from a different dad whose family was fat and diabetic. I felt I was destined to be fat because of my genes. In 2010, I found yet another diet book to read, Eat to Live. This was such an enlightening book! It taught me so much about food and disease and the reasons certain foods caused me more “hunger.” Since then, I have read most of Dr. Fuhrman’s books, The China Study, How Not to Die and How to Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease.
I am an expert… AND…still fat and unhealthy! What? I am a 51 year old woman, well-respected educator, smart, and yet I cannot get my weight under control! Sure I have lost some weight eating Whole Food Plant Based, but then I indulge a little,and it takes years to restart! Well, no more!
Frankly, I am afraid. My cholesterol is high. I have been having heart palpitations, and I walk like a granny due to aches and pains from inflammation. Seriously, I am only 51! My biological father died from complications related to diabetes. My children have been affected by my choices and what I have fed them. I want and need to be free and healthy. I need to redeem my influence on my children!
Now is the time! 2018 is the year I become the healthy and vibrant me!!!